trying to get into the spirit of Christmas (and Will is feeling better, thank you all so much)

infectious diseases have been defeated and the domestic machinery is now running smoothly again, though I often mention Santa's cell phone number to get complete and unquestioned submission. and still feel guilty about it.

the lingering tang of pine is filling our home with delightful and happily ends the 29-year dictatorship of a four feet tall with only 18 remaining branches artificial Christmas tree. and the memory of an embarrassed adolescent. decorating lacked bright ornaments and a better sense of style. and we hear the crash of balls falling off the tree every night. but it means more to me than I will ever admit.

this is our first Christmas, in our first home. it couldn't be any sweeter.

little treasures I hold in the palm of my hand

I am home. with a renewed sense of identity, curly hair and a deeper love for my family. and little treasures I hold in the palm of my hand. the smell of rosemary and fresh lavender, new Converse shoes, fond memories. and the sparkle in the eyes of Sean and Will's grandparents.

I am home. and you know how this is. everything looks the same. yet everything feels different.

more stories here and more pictures here and here.

love from Korea

more Love Thursday here.

far away love

I know I should be used to it now. that it should almost feel perfunctory, like a ritual that is getting too old. his black travel bag. his frequent business trips. but I woke up this morning brimming with emotion, and I thought God, please, help me get through this. I miss him. I miss him so much, I reflected, and the unbidden thought made me feel like weeping.

more Love Thursday here and here.

a home of our own. finally.

never had I imagined that carrying my sleeping child to bed would relieve that fog of doubt and exhaustion I hold around me. and that one could fall in love with a dryer.

it was hard, much harder than I thought. strangers in my house. engaging in hour long conversations with my husband about good energy flow and warm and cool colors while navigating the maze of Ikea aisles and home displays. trying to keep the exasperation out of my voice. ordering, cleaning, cleaning and ordering again. yearning for normality. and my legs and arms feeling as if there was no strength in them.

but then I would hear Sean and Will happily jabbering in their room as they changed into their pajamas, or my husband watering the geraniums, and life would feel infinitely gentle again. filled with opportunities to be hopeful, to create and to enjoy even during what sometimes seemed like weeks of domestic chaos.

this is our home.

there are still cardboard boxes here and there, tiles need to be sealed and some days I do wonder if we will ever see the end of it.

but it is ours.

after 228 payments, it will be ours.

making memories

more pictures here.

we've painted and plastered, scrubbed and buffed, and then we moved in all our stuff

thank you all for the good wishes. I feel tremendously fortunate to be able to share this chapter of my life with you and I know I couldn't have done it without your support and caring, especially in stressful times.

we're all positively giddy with excitement here. I will be back as soon as I can.

because kids and house closings go together like milk and cookies

my whole body shivered with excitement and disbelief, enlightened by a sense of growth and achievement, just like the first time I drove my mother's car when I was 19. we clinked champagne glasses and giggled with delight like 7-year-olds. I knew that I would learn a lot, but I hadn't planned to learn most about love. unconditional, playful and patient.

on Monday, my husband and I signed the final papers and closed the deal on the house. a ten day delay has allowed us to write this new chapter of our life together. it's officially ours now.

a lot of things are waiting to be packed, cleaned, organized, bought and assembled. and my husband is leaving again. but the simple things I now foresee, like growing cherry tomatoes on my balcony or watching Sean and Will bounce on the new bunk beds, fill my heart with gratitude and are telling me not to hasten and to be more contemplative this time. to hold on to that exhilarating feeling. and bask in the moment.

this is what my husband is busy doing while I'm desperately trying to explain to our sons why they can't empty shampoo bottles in the bathtub

Sens commercial

KTF commercial

LG Whisen commercial

I couldn't be more proud of him.

6 years later

we're still ping-ponging in and out of happy marriage. we know exactly how we argue. we know each other too well. we rarely watch television together, we buy our own gifts and we retreat to opposite sides of the bed and sleep touching buttocks. and it does not mean anything. 6 years later he writes "I love you" in pink lipstick on the bathroom mirror and it's the most romantic thing. 6 years later I still shiver every time he grabs my neck or cups my face in his two hands.